Ring of Honor let us know what we’d be seeing for the main event this episode with a pretty lame slideshow. It’ll be a four-way match between Jay Lethal, PCO, Jeff Cobb, and Rush, with the winner getting the gift of a competent video editor’s services so they don’t have to get hyped with PowerPoints anymore*.
Starting off quick with a match, featuring Hikuleo (of Bullet Club) against Hirooki Goto (of CHAOS). Hikuleo’s height advantage seemed to make all the difference for some reason because Goto worked from underneath here. Hikuleo worked hard and he did well enough, even getting off a superplex, but his offense isn’t so exciting that I thought he was good on top. If he keeps at it though I think he definitely has upside. Goto was looking a little thick here but he pulled things out in the end. His reverse GTR didn’t get the job done, so he hit the ushigoroshi and the standard GTR in succession for the win. Thinking, Goto may be the only person to regular do a reverse/inverse version of their finish which is “less powerful” than the regular one, I can’t remember Goto ever finishing anyone with the reverse GTR. Anyway, decent little match here as long as you keep in mind that Hikuleo is pretty green.
I made a note here that Joe Namath is really good at reading ad copy, so I figured I’d better tell you about it.
They replayed Kenny King’s horrible Lethal Injection again, I think I commented on this last week. Anyway, what a fucking dumb decision. You can edit this so it doesn’t look like utter shit you know. If only Kenny King was in that four way. It cut over to a promo with King which was pretty alright. Low rent backdrop caught my eye, zero flair for staging. King’s doing an obsessed with Lethal thing it looks like, so the company still has a lot of stock in King. They’re doing a best of 3 and King is up 1–0.
Kelly Klein and Jenny Rose came out next as a tag team for the next match, a grudge match against the Allure. Kelly Klein as a face rubs me the wrong way. Jenny Rose looked 100% checked out. I feel really bad for her. Then we went to commercial and — get this — they had the Allure attack Kelly & Jenny during the break. On a pre-taped show.
They put. the major beat. of this story. during a commercial break. of a pre. taped. show.
Phew.
Next, Ian ran down the card of Best in the World. It looks like a decent enough card but all of these feuds is utter dogshit. You just saw Kelly/Jenny vs Allure’s story which will actually have a match on the PPV. You’ve got Briscoes vs NWA which is just silly and has no reason to be happening. Like y’all hit people with chairs and you’re also aggrieved about it, and you want me to believe you’re badasses, uh okay. Dalton vs Rush is intensely bad. Why is Dalton challenging Rush’s brother Dragon Lee when 1) Dragon Lee is as good or better of a wrestler than Rush, so it’s not like a night off, and 2) Rush was free on the night anyway, cause he has a non-storyline match against Flip Gordon. Zero fucking sense. Cobb/Taven is halfway interesting, and the half that’s interesting is Jeff Cobb. I mean good god.
The next match up was the Shinobi Shadow Squad of Cheeseburger, Eli Isom, and Ryan Nova against FUCKIN LIFEBLOOD and their groupie PJ Black. This was actually a pretty fun match. Ryan Nova looks like a total geek but he’s definitely got some nice stuff, and anybody who watches ROH knows that Eli Isom is a guy to watch. Lifeblood + Black more than held up their end as well. If ROH actually had a trios division stuff like this would be great to see regularly, but what they have is a champ & challenger, and then I guess gimmicked dorks like the Shadow Squad. Also, Ian coined “Very Pretty” Eli Isom in this match, this was an important note and I may refer to it in the future. A couple of the spots looked weird but nothing was blown. The Lifeblood side cleaned things up with Haskins, Tracy, and Black each hitting a move on Nova, with Black’s moonsault double stomp sealing it.
After the match was done, the Lifeblood side shook their opponents’ hands and then Tracy Williams cut a quick promo on Bully Ray, saying they’d fight them any time, any where. This got the biggest pop of the show, which, uh, Tracy Williams, Promo Guy? Is this a thing now? Well no if they actually had to do a long backstage promo I’d give it to Haskins if it was up to me, but as far as your rah rah shit, Tracy has good instincts because I think he thinks he’s not a great “talker” so he just gets to the point.
Main event time!!!! And guess what, we get fucking Matt Taven on commentary. Last week he wasn’t here and I wish he’d stayed gone. Imagine you gave your world title to Pete Gas. Anyway.
This four way match stunk. It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever seen but at no point did having four guys in the match make it better than a match with just two. They did some fun stuff and PCO nearly killed himself again to bring a bit of life into the crowd and to scare a bit of shit out of me. But yeah this match just sort of happened. At the end, Kenny King came down and said to Jay Lethal “DID I TELL YOUR ASS THAT YOU COULD USE MY MOVE?” (referring to the Lethal Combination), to which Jay said —
— but then got hit with the Tour of the Islands from Cobb for the finish. A rare win that doesn’t actually get you “momentum” cause everybody involved looked like trash.
Closing: An actively bad episode of Ring of Honor Wrestling this time. Taven on commetary, thumbs down. Shit main event finish, thumbs down. Running 2 angles during “commercial breaks” on a pre-taped show, thumbs down. Reminding me of all your horrendous storylines, thumbs down. How many thumbs is this by now? I don’t know. Skip this episode unless you’re invested in the development of Hikuleo, Eli Isom, and Ryan Nova, as those guys made a pretty good account of themselves for their experience level.
Quick Results:
- Hirooki Goto vs Hikuleo: Hirooki Goto won via pinfall using the GTR
- Kelly Klein & Jenny Rose vs Angelina Love & Mandy Leon: Match didn’t take place
- Shinobi Shadow Squad vs Tracy Williams, Mark Haskins, & PJ Black: Williams, Haskins, & Black won via pinfall when Black pinned Ryan Nova using a diving moonsault double stomp
- Jay Lethal vs Rush vs PCO vs Jeff Cobb: Jeff Cobb won by pinning Jay Lethal using the Tour of the Islands
Enjoyment Grade: F
* match prize has not been confirmed
